What does Work mean to me.

Work, a word which is described as ' Something that one is doing, making, or performing, especially as an occupation or undertaking; a duty or task' ,but to me this word has a great Effect on me.
Before I Describe what work means to me,Let me tell you that I had been Jobless for a year and a half.

Work,what it means?
Work is passion,it is the need of every human being.
Sitting at home made me realize the importance of work, it keeps your mind from wondering like a devil (I don't believe on Devils,but this is just an example).
Every minute of idleness kills you.The frustation is unbearable.The look the people give you,the eyes of people appears to speak to you,it says 'Hi ! What the heck are you doing at home. See I am working ,why arent you?'. I felt like saying 'Hey !!Y cant you mind your own Business!'.
It is not that I wasnt trying but a combination of circumstances and lack of knowledge did not help my cause.
Now that I have a job,every minute of Idleness makes me remember those days of struggle.There is a smile on my face but my mind is crying.
Your respect is your work to people.Work becomes a judging ground for people to decide my abilities.
Work aquires a complete new dimension.To a fresher work is a change to studies,for a doctor work is worship,to an army man work is duty,to me work is everything!!!

Uljhi Zindagi!

Kashmakash si lagti hai yeh zindagi!
Jaise dhue mein udd gaya hai!!
Koi rog hai mujhe laga,
Par ilaaz nahi nazar aa raha hai!

Dil ki gehrahiyon mein jhaakaan,
Par ek khaali dil hi paaya!
Shaayad thoda tuta,
aur thoda rutha!

Jab dimag ko tatola,
To dil se haara paaya!!
Kya koi ilaaz nahi,
Ya phir mujhe haasil nahi!!

Zindagi ki inn adhure sawaalon ka,
Koi jawab mile!
Issi intezaar mein hum,
Jiye ja rahein hai.

Dost roothe,dil toota!!

Aihsaas hai mujhe meri galti ka,
Par shaayad der ho gayi hai,
Jo dil ke sabse kareeb the,
Aaj duur ho gaye hai!!

Kehte hai ki humein bhul jaayo,
Kya apni jaan ko bhul sakta hai koi?
Haan agar bhul sakta,
To bhul jaata,
Par jaan chali gayi to bacha kya?

Dost mile the, unhe gava diya,
Doston ka pyar mila tha,
Unhe kho diya,
Haar ka aihsaas hai,
Kami har pal mehsoos hai!

Kaash ki time machine hota,
Galtiyan apni mein sudharta,
Woh doston ko waapis paata,
Par nahin!
Zindagi akeli kaatni hai mujhe,
Bus yaadein hi sahara hai !!!

Khush raho sab bas itni dua karta hun,
Yaad mujhe kabhi-2 karo bas itna chahta hun!!
Yaad na karo to bhi theek hai,
Par mere Samadhi par raho,
Ye aakhri khwaish hai meri,
Dua hai puri ho!!

Dosti!!

"Friends" ...I was thinking who is a friend.Thought should look up in the dictionary.
Friend-a person you know well and regard with affection and trust.
Hmm...interesting definition. A person you know well,hmmm..that looks alright.A person you regard with affection and trust..hmm..that also looks alright.
But is that a complete definition?

I love watching movies. Movies always had these great friends who were so close to each other.I used to think,do such friends exist? Yes I had friends always ,but there was always something lacking. I do not know what,but there was something lacking!!

June 2006.
I stepped on Trivandrum soils. Never thought I will find what I always lacked. I had found 5 of them.

I met the first one out of these 'Arun'.Well I thought he was a senior and never liked him the first instance.

Then I met 'Pallavi'.Found her intelligent.Actually she was talking abt the same area we were living and she was searching for a house in the same area. My previous few days experience(You can check that out in one of my older blogs) made me barge into her conversation and tell her that it was not a good idea to take a house in the same area.

Then I met mandakini and sonal in a meeting. Mandakini looked like she wanted to run away from trivandrum and sonal...hmmm...she was hardly interested in what was going on.

Next came sundar who i saw in the meeting when he introduced himself. There was this bald guy in front of me looking like a dacoit.

Did I ever think these 5 will be the greatest people I will cherish in my life?

It all began with a trip to ponmudi.We had fun in ponmudi.We laughed together. A small game and ice between us had broken.

Then came munnar.We laughed,teased each other,had fun. 6 people had become 1. The 3 greatest days of my life.

After that we were ruling the office. We never bothered if people looked at us. If 1 wanted to go out,all left. If one hated a movie ,we all walked out. The only thing which mattered to us was we were together.
Slowly I started to fear,what if all were separated. I guess all of us had this fear in their mind.
The inevitable happened on Jan 20th. Pallavi got a transfer and she was going. After dropping her all cried,some showed, some did not. ( I too cried that day). Then arun got a transfer soon.He was to go in few days.
Sundar was told he will go to onsite.
We all went to pizza corner. All were down. We had one more person gone and in few days arun will also leave. That will leave only 3 of us.
The next day we planned to bunk office and spend the whole day together. But then something more drastic happened. I was also told I will go onsite and have to leave by 13th feb.
Maybe this news would have given happiness in any circumstances but I was feeling sad. Never wanted to leave my friends.
Went to bangalore.Last 2 days my friends will be together but I could not be there.Already was missing friends.
On 12th evening I was told my trip is postponed. I never told my true feeling at that time to anybody,which was, I was happy. I will be with my friends for some more days.Though Sundar had left and arun will leave in 3 more days.
Today I am writing this blog just hoping we will be together.
So 'Friend' ..who is he/she? Yes,a person you know well and regard with affection and trust. But there is more to it..you cry,laugh,long for him,ur happy when he is,ur sad when he is,money and success matter little in front of friends..i think i can never describe a friend but i feel it.
Hope I will never lose my friends!!!

A broken heart....Shaayari !!!

Something Special for Valentine's Day! (In Hindi,correct me if required)

woh ruth ke manana,
woh rote hue khilkhilana,
woh unka humse aakhen churana,
woh pyaari si muskurahat unki
aur us muskurat par marna humaara!!
In yaadon ke sahaare zindagi kat jaaye,
To koi gam nahi!!

Har pal woh yaad aaye,(Bhule hi kab the unhe ,jo yaad aate!)
Bhule,bisre geet yaad dilaye!

Woh to dil mein hai humaari basi!
Chahiye ab pathar se hi kyon na ho waar hum par,
Hum toot jaaye, par dil mein phir bhi woh naa toot paaye!!!

Chehra uska humaare saamne mandrata,
ghante dar ghante humein kehta,
Kyon dekhat ho humein yun,
Hum to kissi aur ke hai,
to kya hua agar hum uske liye marte hai
par jaan to woh kissi aur ki hai!

Socha tha jeena hai uska saath,
par soch ko kisne dekha hai!
Ye to ek pinjre ki chidiya hai,
Jo udti to hai, par... pinjre ke daiyre mein!

Ye humaare khayalat gam darshate hai,
Par ye to ek dekhne ka nazariya hai,
Paimane mein chalakta jaam,
kissi ki masti ka saathi hai,
To kissi ke gam ka!!

I am 26!!!

Another day has nearly passed. I will be 26, 2 days after.
26 Yrs!! Isn't it a pretty long time? Very long indeed!
I do not remember my childhood much.(Baby days i mean) Though my parents say I was a quiet boy.Never cried much.
Then came schooling days.I was this studious type, always with books.I used to be teased regularly for being with books.(Even by my parents) I loved books. Infact whenever anybody asked me about my hobby,I would innocently say 'Studying'. I also had these crazy fascinations for comics.Boy I loved those twinkles,chacha chaudharys,etc., And if i met my cousin sis, who was also mad about comics ,boy ...we would spend all our time with comics.
Well my fascination with studying made me get 1st or second rank every time from 2nd to 8th. But my image was of studious type. There were people who never used to let me play any game with them stating that I was this bookish type,would not like playing cricket or any other fun games.I wanted to break free also. I wanted to them to know that I too loved freaking out. I was also a human being with feelings.
9th Standard...I told myself I will break free from this studious image of mine.I started participating in all Extra-curricular events (except dance...tht was not my cup of tea).Dumb charades was my favorite forte.I had a team of 3 always together. We had a whole dictionary of actions..we had started winning ,I had finally broken free of the studious image.
But slowly my score dropped.Rather at a fast pace.The person who had come 2nd had now come 20th in class. The whole class was shocked. All my friends(even unknowns) had just 1 question. What happened to you ? Well all these years I had no problem making friends. Who did not want to be a friend of a guy coming 1st or second always!! But now those that appeared close friends,were now hardly interested in me.Well now I knew who are my true friends and who are not.
Well with my bad score at 10th I did manage to get into a good school.(With some running around the school).
Next 2 yrs were literal hell. There was these students who were all studious types.(what an Irony...now I was calling them studious types) Well I hated studies by now. Here I met Akshay who was so focussed ,but never you can make out by his attitude. His only aim was to get into the IITs.I learnt one thing from him,'if you want something real badly, you will get it'.Though he could still never instill the sense of studying.( He was a total freak and then studying at night).
I was now going to college. Had performed real bad in CET and had got mechanical engg in some college.Was my life going to be a drag again? No, I did not want it to be a drag. I had this weird thought in my mind. I did not want any of my previous friends in my college. I wanted new friends,new environment,new hair style ,everything new...a new life...I dunno why? Yes I had complete new friends,but nothing else changed in my life. I was living the same old dragging life. Staying at home, sometimes going to movies in the same 2-3 halls. Sometimes would go to same chinese restaurants..I wanted to go to discos ,go to parties..Again I wanted to break free.But all my friends never went to discos, or if they did go ,would go with their girl friends leaving me alone.The fact, that sometimes if they did want me to go ,i did not get permission to go,did not help.
It may sound weird ,but at the end of 4 yrs of my college life,if somebody asked me about the happening places in my city...I would be a dumb spectator.(I still do not know the happening places in the city I was brought up,I do want to know them).
The fact, that I hated mechanical and I had taken it only because that was the best choice available then (how stupid of me),made my life even more a drag.
I did take part in my favorite extra-curricular activity dumb charades. But in college my best was antakshari(Reached 3 yrs finals and won all 3 out of 4).These things were just small good things,in a long dragging life.
Finally with pathetic scores once again I had passed engg. The question that was haunting me from the time I had joined engg,was in front of me.Do I really want to work in mechanical field.All through my life I loved computers. My fascination and craze with computers started from 9th was still there. But how can I jump streams. Should I follow the herds of people trying for MBA? Well at that time ,seemed to me the best option. I started preparing for MBA. Never in my life I had worked so hard. Had given up everything. Sleep,food and MBA studies were the only things in my life for next 9 months.All my friends were getting jobs, but I never bothered to even apply.I wanted to make my life count.I wanted to show to people that I am not another person in the crowd. If you want something,you can get it.
Alas my quest for MBA ended with me getting gr8 scores,but only 1 call.That too did not clear the 2nd round( Don't know y? )
Now there was reality in front of me. I was nearly 1 yr old pass out and without any job. I started applying ,but all the places found it tough to convince them I was preparing for MBA,so did not bother to apply.They thought I am lying.Mind you I only applied for jobs in the IT field. Though things were not my side ,I never gave up( I never give up easily)
I joined a java course in the meanwhile. As soon as I finished the course ,in 1 month I got a job. I slowly stared enjoying my job, but after a while I started getting bored.
Now I have switched job and am in this new place. Wow what a roller coaster ride I had past 8 months.Emotionally,physically,personality wise many changes.(These last months are anyways in my other blog articles)
Failures,failures,failures....is this life all about.Failure in studies, failure in life's simple enjoyments,failure at home(I was this lazy lad at home)...
26 yrs is a long time!! Good or not so good I was into this big boat of Life which took me and shook me and showed me various things.Also made me learn so many good or not so good things in life( More good than not so good).
Though I keep hoping My life becomes less of a drag and I come to know the aim I have in my life.
Till then c ya all,hope to meet you next yr with a better life..Syanora!!!

Trauma within!

Why do I feel lonely,
When I am surrounded with friends?

Why am I lost,
when i am in a crowd?

Why do I suddenly feel a stranger,
when I talk to my close friends?

Am I a patient of amnesia,
or is it insomia...?
Or maybe it is the people around me,
Or...(pause) is it my own behaviour?
I don't know (or is it that I do not want to know)?

Questions,questions and more questions..
Why am i always full of questions?

Am I trying to find an answer?
Or getting away from my problems?
Or maybe it is just curiousity!

My Questions and thier answers,
One day I will find them all!
When I say All,
I mean all...The reason,the story behind..everything!!